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Learning to Love Yourself: A Guide to Becoming Centered


Posted November 1, 2003

Loving Yourself = True Freedom

Vered (Tanmayo) Neta

I have to give this article by tomorrow and I still did not manage to write one single sentence that I like. Each time I write a sentence, I immediately hit the 'delete' key, as it does not sound 'right'.

I've been postponing this article for a whole week under the excuse that I still have to do more research. Each time I find a new text relating to the issue I say to myself, "Wahoo, I wish I could write this way, why didn't I think about it?" and of course my drive to write goes down the drain.

I was just reading what my partner wrote and sure enough, "I can't write that well, bla bla bla..."
The next moment I am watching a dumb video, trying to avoid my inability to write the one article, which is about MY truth.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation?
Most of us did!
How did we get there?
Very simple - we were conditioned to believe that we are not good enough.
We concluded that we are not loveable until we are good enough. We were taught the 'right' standards and 'right' values and we were expected to live up to them so 'they' will love us.

Till today those societal values and standards are our limited reality, a kind of virtual prison we complied to live in.

Since we learn to focus on others' values, we continuously compare ourselves to 'them'. We either end up feeling inferior to 'them' or superior to 'them'.
In any case, our focus is on THEM and we tend to forget who we are and what are our qualities.

One of our prison walls is the need to be 'successful' (in our society's eyes of course). In order to become successful we try to imitate those we believe are good at what they are doing. We work hard to change and 'fix' ourselves. We set for ourselves standards that do not belong to us and often are unattainable for us.

This 'fixing' process takes away our creativity and lowers our energy, leaving us feeling even less capable and loveable.
The vicious circle is closed... The prison gates are locked.

Even if we do manage to achieve (after hard work) those impossible standards, or we become these people we think are the 'right' ones to be, we feel limited and encaged.
We have lost our ability to move freely and express who we really are.
We end up, again, not loving ourselves.

Loving yourself means that you are willing to stop comparing yourself to others.
It means willing to appreciate who you are in any circumstances.
It is all about learning to acknowledge everything that you are.

If you are a morning person - Terrific!
You have more chances to see a sunrise, a new day, a new beginning.
If you are a night person - Wonderful!
You get to see the other side of the day; you learn to think unorthodoxly.

If you are a good communicator - Fantastic!
You have the capacity to reach people and make contact.
If you're not such a good communicator - Great!
You can listen to people and people love to be heard.

No matter what you are, there is greatness in it - as it is who you are.
The only way to be able to see it, is to stop comparing yourself to another.

Realize that there is only one person exactly like you in this whole world, which makes you unique and whole, and in other words - Perfect!

Perfect means that it has everything in it. The good and the bad; the beauty and the ugly; success and failure.
When you are willing to accept that you are perfect the way you are, you realize that there is no need to change anything.
The only thing that is left to do is fall in love with that person that you are already.

When you really love yourself, you are free to choose at any moment how to express yourself...
And isn't that what freedom is all about...?

I read this article once more... It sure ain't perfect.

But, hey... I'm perfect!
Perfect the way I am, and that's more than enough...

Copyright © 2002 Open Circles
All Rights Reserved

Article by Vered Neta - trainer, success coach and lecturer. Learn how to achieve success, gain emotional freedom, increase self-confidence and transform stress and anxiety into positive energy on her site: Send a blank e-mail to to get her newsletter and receive a BONUS - inspirational digital book.


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