I've known people who did just that, and began following a charismatic leader who thrived on power and control over his disciples. They gave up everything to him, including their ability to keep themselves safe. I remember one gentleman who abdicated his responsibility for himself and others, walked out of a marriage and alienated all his friends. He went from being a really nice guy to being self-righteous and obnoxious, which is exactly the opposite of what the spiritual traditions are aiming for.

There are so many trap doors that we can fall into when we believe that a sense of self is wrong. A belief in and respect for oneself is necessary not only for spiritual development but for personal growth. Our ego is our rational mind, simply allowing us to distinguish ourselves from others and make conscious choices for ourselves. When it's in its proper perspective, the ego helps us determine what issues are ours and what problems don't belong to us. If it's not present, it can mean that we can't understand when we're being lied to or taken advantage of.

For instance, an abused wife is falsely told over and over that she's stupid, and is to blame for her husband beating her. Her ego has been so battered that she can't realize that it's not her fault that her husband is taking his anger and frustration out on her. Once she gets out of that relationship, and begins to recover her self-worth and put her shattered ego back together, she's able to understand that the problem was with her husband and his issues.

The ego allows us to have a sense of identity and be able to make healthy choices for ourselves. It depends on how much we value ourselves, or "esteem" ourselves, which is where the term "self-esteem" comes from. If we don't appreciate our own worth, then we can't fully recognize our connection to the Universe, or set boundaries to differentiate "us" from "others."

Our feeling of self-worth is based on how we think about ourselves. It's a thought process that we were trained in as children. We believed what the grownups told us about ourselves, whether we were stupid or smart, graceful or awkward, and a good person or not. These ideas were programmed into us before we had an ego, or could think independently. As we grew up, we took those judgments with us, added onto them, maybe changed some, and created a habit of how we viewed ourselves.

Answer: Most people don't believe in themselves because they've been programmed not to. Parents, siblings, friends, teachers, etc. have put them down, belittled them, not recognized their achievements or encouraged their potential. We tend to absorb our parents' opinions of us and then act towards ourselves as they did. One way to learn to believe in yourself is to begin giving yourself positive, nurturing comments. Do things that are healthy and beneficial to you.

If you can, avoid people who are negative, belittling, sabotaging. Those types of people may feel insecure in themselves, and make themselves feel better by putting you down. Distance yourself from them as much as you can, and just consider the source of who is saying the unfriendly things. You don't have to believe them.

There's an old saying, "To have a friend, you have to be a friend," and the first person you have to be a friend to is yourself. You have to be willing to be in your corner and stand up for yourself when you've been stepped on. And you also have to honor other peoples' rights to be who they are.