Trying to live up to all the "should's" and "ought to's" was impossible, especially since many times the advice was contradictory. When I was focusing on the "should's," it meant that my subconscious was attracting more "should's," which created more anxiety, guilt and resentment. It became a vicious cycle.

When we "should" on ourselves, we're imposing someone else's values on our own. We think that if we tell ourselves what we should do, this will whip us into shape and we'll act right. But it doesn't work. The internal pressure generally causes us to continue the undesired behavior. Like when we're on a diet, eat a cookie, feel guilty, and decide since we've already fallen off the diet, we'll just eat the whole package. When other people force too many "should's" on us, rebellion usually develops. We may feel in control when we act counter to what someone tells us, but many times we actually sabotage ourselves.

How can you tell if you're operating on outdated values or standards that don't fit you? First, identify when you feel guilty or resentful, and what's causing the feeling. Are you following a rule that you accepted long ago and have continued to act on unconsciously, such as spending all your free time on the weekend cleaning your house from top to bottom? Ask yourself what you would really like to do in that situation. What directive would better fit you and your lifestyle? Maybe you would feel better if you decided to scrub the inside of your refrigerator once a month, rather than each week.

Is someone demanding time and energy from you that's just too draining? If you're having to sacrifice your well being or peace of mind for others, then your boundaries are being violated or you're being taken advantage of. Remember that consideration for others needs to be balanced with a consideration for yourself and learning to say "no" is important. Your needs and desires are every bit as important as anyone else's.

Become aware of when you tell yourself "I should" or "I ought to." Write down what you have said to yourself, and why you need to follow that rule. Put down everything that comes to mind about the issue and what would happen if you didn't follow through. If the reasons to do it make sense to you, or are important, then it's probably appropriate. For example: "I should wash the dishes." If you don't, "I won't have clean dishes." Is this important to you? To clarify how you feel about something, ask yourself, "What do I think about this?" This will help to define how a standard can reflect what works for you versus what's actually working for others.

Notice whenever you use the words, "always" or "never." For instance, "I should always give to the less fortunate." This a great value to have, but only if you're taking care of yourself. If you give so much that you don't have enough to pay your rent or groceries, then you're going too far. Make sure you don't make yourself one of the "less fortunate." Whenever there's a word that blankets every possible experience, then it's probably a standard that's impossible to live up to. And trying to live up to it will simply create frustration, guilt and resentment.

When you begin to create your own standards and establish them, some people may object. You've been catering to them for a long time, and they're not going to like that you're not doing what they want you to do. Be courteous, but firm. If someone becomes verbally abusive by berating you, putting you down or discounting you, then be civil and break off that contact. No amount of explanation or dialogue is going to make them accept your new direction at that time.

Answer: The alpha level is the state we access in meditation, self-hypnosis, daydreaming or as we're drifting off to sleep. We're more inwardly focused on some idea in this state. When you imagine something in the alpha level, you're giving the subconscious mind specific directions of what you want. The subconscious must accept what you're impressing, which it always does. EXCEPT, if you negate it with opposite statements during the day, confuse it with a different desire, or not trust it to do what you have stated.

Then, since we're all connected, once the subconscious has accepted the idea, it then seeks out opportunities to bring it about. Have you ever had the impulse to go to a certain store, only to bump into someone you really needed to talk to?

When you place a desire in mind, trusting the subconscious to manifest it, it can take anywhere from a few minutes to several months for it to come about. When it's delayed, it's usually because you have a belief that's restricting it, or aren't trusting the subconscious enough. It won't do anything if you don't trust it. Start with some small desires to build your faith.

The author is a psychotherapist and approaches meditation from both an eastern and western direction. Although the title of this book indicates that it's a "How To," it goes way beyond that. It delves into the different ways to meditate, their philosophies and gives directions for each of them.

Many people who begin to meditate get frustrated when they can't immediately quiet their mind. And when they can't, they get frustrated and give up. This book is a practical, deep examination of meditation, why they're helpful, and how they work on deep inner levels of being. It goes into some of the temptations a practitioner can be drawn into and how to avoid them.

By blending the understanding of what meditation does and why it works from both the mystical and psychological angles, this book can give the reader a deep foundation in pursuing the type of meditation that fits them. I've cited this book over and over again in my articles and recommend it highly to any person new to meditation or experienced in its practice.