However, by trying to meditate the pain away, transform it, or forgive the person originally reponsible without dealing with the problem and its consequences, just puts a Band-Aid over an emotional infection. Without proper treatment, that infection will continue to fester and cause even greater harm.

An acquaintance of mine once stated that she'd forgiven her mother for all the emotional and verbal abuse in her childhood. However, every time she talked about her mother, you could hear the anger and hurt in her voice. When this was pointed out to her, she denied it, because she'd "already forgiven her." Since in her mind, the healing was done, there was no more she needed to do to heal the wounds, even though they screamed out to be dealt with. The feelings that she was avoiding were still painful and affected her, even though she thought she was done with them.

There are no shortcuts to healing emotional wounds. As the 12-Step Programs say, "To heal it, you have to feel it." And many people, even spiritual people, label any uncomfortable emotion as "bad" or "negative," and do everything they can to deny them. Emotions are simply "energy in motion," as John Bradshaw, a therapist who popularized the inner child, stated.

If emotions get stuck or trapped, they will find an outlet somewhere or somehow. Initially, they'll cause low self-esteem, having a person feel like they "aren't enough," and criticise themselves unmercifully. That criticism may even take the form of shaming oneself for not doing enough spiritual practice, or not living up to some spiritual ideal. If the issue isn't dealt with, the emotions will eventually cause tension, high blood pressure, heart disease, intestinal problems, chronic pain, and even more serious physical symptoms.

I don't mean that a person needs to wallow in the emotional pain. That would be nothing more than emotional stagnation. The original trauma or wound needs to be identified, and the associated feelings acknowledged, not shamed, so you can move through the problem.

The emotions need acceptance that they existed from whatever cause. Even accepting that the person is having difficulty accepting an emotion gives it some attention. Once resistance to recognizing the hurt is overcome, the energy of the feeling is in motion and can be channeled into a release.

One way to do this is to journal about the emotions the original trauma created. Studies have shown that people who write about how they felt during a trauma, not just about the events and facts, improved emotional and physical health, and even improved the function of the immune system.

Begin writing about upsetting events, by just putting down the first thing that comes into your mind, and keep your pen moving. This gets the editing, critical function of the mind out of the way, that part of you that's been restricting the awareness of how you're really feeling. Keep writing, without holding back, for fifteen to twenty minutes a day. If you begin to feel overwhelmed by what you're feeling, really sad, unsafe, or fearful, find a therapist or support group to help you.

We may feel that the uncomfortable, painful emotions will overwhelm us if we recognize them. Actually, it's more like a thunderstorm. Lots of tears and a charged atmosphere, but when it passes, we feel released and cleansed. There may be some clean-up work to do, but letting ourselves feel the pain and move through it releases the energy of the pent-up emotions as well as the energy we've used to repress those feelings.

Answer: Your question is one many people have. We're taught to try to control the result. The answer takes a lot of discipline and trust. To keep the desired result in your mind, write it down on a card and read it several times a day. This helps to keep your subconscious focused on what it is you want. Then trust that your subconscious knows how to bring that goal into reality, and remind yourself that it's working on it.

Take any action toward the goal that you know to take. Follow through on any ideas you may have for it. The more actions you take, the more you're convincing your subconscious that you really want that goal. Keep affirming that "My creative/subconscious mind knows how to bring this to me, and is doing so now" whenever you think of the goal. That gives the subconscious the power and direction of what to do. It is the subconscious' role to figure out how things get done, not the conscious mind's. The conscious mind's role is to keep the mind focused on the goal, and follow through on any opportunities. It sounds simple, but it's not easy for most people to do this.

If you've ever been hurt by someone close to you, past or present, and need some help in dealing with it and getting to forgiveness, this book is for you. Not only does the author walk you through the journey of recognizing and acknowledging the injury, assigning responsibility, and describing the steps a person goes through along the way, but she also includes many exercises and tools to handle all of these phases.

When we're wounded by someone close to us in a way that betrays the foundation of the relationship, then we feel like our world has been turned upside down. It forces us to re-evaluate our beliefs, and who we are. Our sense of stability and safety has been violated. To be able to heal from this, we have to examine the injury and its consequences.

As spiritual people, many of us believe that we have to take responsibility for everything that happens to us. That's true to a certain extent. But we can't control another person's feelings and actions. So we need to assign responsibility to who actually, consciously and with intent, harmed us. Forgiveness doesn't mean pardoning the other person. It's letting go of the anger, empowering ourselves to move on, and recognizing that the wound has changed who we are. We set them free and ourselves free.

Forgiveness is a process of healing, not an eraser of hurt. This comprehensive book explains how to move through that process successfully and grow from it.